My beautiful bipolar life
What started as a cross country bucket list journey with my terminally ill and estranged father, evolved into a search and rescue effort. To find the little girl who got lost amongst generational trauma, domestic violence and societal expectations. I found the fearless wildflower who loved herself and was ready to change the world. In my father’s death, I discovered the life I was supposed to live, while evolving into the woman I am today. I hope this podcast is a safe place to land for those wanting to heal, grow and live an authentic life rooted in gratitude, kindness, limited f***s and yummy snacks.
My beautiful bipolar life
Navigating the Storm: A Journey of Healing and Self-Love
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Embark on an emotional odyssey with me, Kelly Bauer, as I navigate the perilous waters of a 26-year relationship marred by abuse, infidelity, and chaos—a mirror of the turbulent childhood that shaped me. This intimate exploration goes beyond mere reflection, providing a beacon of hope for those grappling with similar struggles. Together, we'll traverse the path of self-discovery to redemption, illustrating the power of loving oneself above all else. Through my experiences, I invite you to find solace, inspiration, and the courage to break free from the chains of the past, propelling you toward a life you truly deserve.
Hello everyone , my name is Kelly Bauer and welcome to my beautiful bipolar life . This podcast came about after a three-year journey that changed my life . It began as an obligation to care for my father , who was dying of cancer . I was the only one who was willing to step up . I never hesitated nor wavered in my decision to care for him . For better or for worse , it is , and always will be who I am . What I wasn't prepared for were the gifts that I would receive during the 15 months we spent together . In order to understand the process , let's go back to where it began . So for the next seven episodes , we are going to travel back in time to the days that led to my rebirth . Please note that there will be a lot of issues tackled in this podcast that can be triggering for some . Please know it comes from a place of love , healing and growth . I hope you'll sit with me as we journey back to February 27th 2020 .
Speaker 1What the fuck is wrong with you ? The words I kept repeating as I was flying home from Las Vegas . A Valentine's Day gift to the father of my child . An effort to save our often on relationship of 26 years . One marked with abuse , infidelity and chaos , a perfect reflection of the environment I grew up in as an absent , abusive father and a mom who never healed her own traumas but was trying to give me and my siblings what she thought was a normal life . Chaos was comfortable to me . Flying home from Vegas , I refused to sit next to him After he nearly strangled me to death in the hotel room that I paid for two nights prior . Seeing eleven rows back glaring at me , I could feel it from behind me , sending me threatening messages . He should have been in jail , but this was more than I had done before . I knew the tide was finally shifting . The choices I've made and meant throughout my entire life are what most people would call daddy issues , a mirror of the relationship I had with my own father . I believe that most people have unhealed generational trauma . This podcast will dive into not only recognizing it , but how you can grow , heal and prosper in the idea that we are not bound to who we were . The most important thing I hope you learn is that it's not only okay , but it is mandatory to love yourself more than anyone else if you want to live the life that you deserve . Loving you most allows you to forgive yourself and others in ways you never could . It sets an expectation of who has access to you . It puts a value on your life that cannot be taken away .
Speaker 1Walking into my house , I was physically and emotionally exhausted . My father was supposed to be in charge of our autistic son , but neither of them was anywhere to be found . Years later , my father showed up drunk . As a child , this was second nature . As my father grew older , I did see him make changes to be a better person . Today was not an example of those changes .
Speaker 1His breath , an instant flashback of violence , cruel words and careless actions . Honestly , I can't even remember why we argued , but I can tell you exactly what his eyes looked like . I can still smell the beer and I can still feel him grabbing me by my throat and pushing me to the bed , ironically being pulled off by the man who had just done the same thing two days earlier . I'm not sure why , but that visual sent me into a rage . Mostly , I was mad at myself . I cocked back my fist and punched him in the face as hard as I could . I wanted him to feel my disappointment , my sadness , my betrayal . I will never forget the look on his face . It still haunts me . It was shame , regret , sadness , bravado and anger , clearly filled by all the generational trauma that he never healed . It was everything that I hated and loved about my father , the man who would never give me the love I was desperately searching for my entire childhood .
Speaker 1He left and a month later I received this letter . Dear Kelly , I am a stupid , jerk , asshole , loser , whose behavior the other night was inexcusable . I have been filled with remorse ever since I finally decided I had to write to apologize and ask for your forgiveness . If possible , tell Mike and Cameron that I apologized to them also and that I hoped no one was hurt . In closing , I would like you to know that I love you and I'm very proud of what you have accomplished in life . If there were a way to send hugs and kisses , I would send a ton of both . Love you more , dad .